


My year with Regina - September 1st

by postmortem



Series: 365 Days [4]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-10
Updated: 2015-09-10
Packaged: 2018-04-20 01:23:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4768274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/postmortem/pseuds/postmortem
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Regina Mills and Emma Swan had one year together. This a series of stories from those 365 days. They are not in chronological order.</p><p>All parts of the series can be read as stand-alone pieces.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My year with Regina - September 1st

**Author's Note:**

> This was the hardest one to write so far, and I'm not sure why, because it's the least angsty one? For some reason, I couldn't get more than a couple sentences out a day, and I'm not really happy with it, but I need my head clear for the next one, so I'm posting it.

There is a certain sense of beauty in watching her fall apart. Not that I want her to hurt, never. No, but I know that I am the only one who is allowed to witness it. She breaks absolutely beautifully. And when I hold her, or restrain her, and when I am the only one who can help her, it pushes all my buttons, and I try to absorb every terrible memory she has to relive, every violent sob, every desperate attempt to hurt herself in order to make the pain go away. And when she finds a home in my body wrapped around hers, like a cocoon, I swear to everything that’s holy that I will spend my life trying to make this woman happy. Make her feel safe, because I think she never has before. Make her see that she is more than a manipulated little girl, an abused young bride, a means to an end for people who used her for their own agendas. More than an Evil Queen.

She is my savior. She is my light. She is my hope. She is my night and she is my day. She is my heart and my mind and my skin and my soul.

When she falls apart, she doesn’t remember all these things. She doesn’t remember that she’s my everything. She remembers all the hells she has been through. She remembers all the pain, all the humiliation, all the suffering. She remembers the things she has done to others. She remembers that nobody ever loved her for herself, not before Daniel, not since Daniel. She remembers every death, every assault, every plea, every day. She remembers her father, she remembers Snow White, she remembers Graham. She remembers Leopold, Rumpelstiltskin, Jefferson, Whale. Her mother.

When Regina falls apart, she suffers through every horrible minute of her life all over again, all the pain, all at once, and sometimes she screams, and sometimes she’s silent, and sometimes she almost dies. Because sometimes death would be easier than to remember.

Tonight, Henry woke me up, crying, telling me that she was outside, hugging herself, rocking back and forth, and that he thought she didn’t even notice that he was there. I told him to wait in his room, and I grabbed her robe that was still lying at the foot of the bed. I walked down the stairs and to the back door. She wasn’t doing anything now. She was just standing there, head lowered, shoulders slumped, looking at the grass under her feet. It didn't even look like she was breathing.

I slowly approached, making sure not to startle her. "Regina", I said. Nothing. "Hey", I put my hand on her arm. "I brought your robe, you must be cold!" I started draping it around her shoulders. Then I stood in front of her and took both of her hands into mine. "Regina?", I asked again. She lifted her head. Slowly, with her eyes closed. "Sweetheart, can you look at me?" She shook her head no. "Alright, let's sit down for a minute." I slowly guided her to sit, and sat down next to her. She pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. When she started shaking, I put my arm around her, and pulled her close. I kissed her temple, and that broke her walls, and she came back to me, crying silently. She laid her head on my shoulder, and leaned into me.

And so I am telling her again, every single time, I’m telling her all the reasons why she is everything, all the reasons why she deserves happiness and love and light and hope. I’m asking her to believe me, to believe Henry, to believe us that she matters, and that we would be lost without her.

I will continue until the day she does.


End file.
